Last night, really late at night, I had some thinking time to myself, and I spent some time just reflecting on the importance of relationships that we as human beings have with one another, and how strongly those relationships, or the pursuit of them, drives the direction of our lives.
I don’t necessarily mean dating. That can be a part of what I mean, but it is not the only intended meaning. The type of relationships I’m thinking of are the kind you have with your mom, friends, society, co-workers, and so on and so forth. I simply mean relationships we hold in general with any segment or person in society.
Many years ago, I had read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr. Stephen Covey. Since that time, I still refer to his material, as I found it balanced, intelligent, and perhaps even wise. The second habit that Covey mentions is known as Keeping the End in Mind. Basically, the idea is that you have to set goals and know the direction you wish for your life to go before you really start moving in any direction.
What’s interesting is that he starts the chapter off with an exercise – pretend you’re at your own funeral, and people will come up to give a eulogy about the type of life you led. He asks you to write down what those people who come up would say about you, from the experiences they had with you. What would someone from your family, your friends, your co-workers, and your religious community members say at your funeral. Once you’ve done this, you find that what’s most important to you are not the material possessions you’ve chased after for so long, but rather, the strong and positive relationships you form with others.
There are some issues with this exercise that I have which I’ll address in a bit, but it does bring forth an interesting idea – is it true only real happiness can be gotten from the relationships which we nurture and build over the years with camaraderie, companionship, and mutual respect? Studies do show that the rich do tend have a higher suicidal rate than the less well-off due to the family connections the poorer maintain among themselves.
So if that’s the case, then why are we so busy chasing after that new car, the big house, popularity, and all the material things that we seem to be after? As a software engineer in the cell phone industry, one thing I noticed when product reviews come out about phones like the Razr is that reviewers are always talking about the “wow” effect the phone has on OTHER people who are looking at you talking on the phone (or flipping it around to show off without “really” meaning to). I also remember a review of the new Mustang vs the new Dodge Charger. The reviewer was bothered by the fact that the Charger didn’t turn as many heads as the Mustang.
As I gave it more thought, I noticed that a lot of the material possessions we chase after, the status we try to gain, the high paying jobs that allow us to get bigger this and better that, a lot of times (though not always) are our attempts to form stronger and more satisfying relationships with others. It can also be a means of pleasing ourselves, don’t get me wrong, but a good chunk of the motivation comes from this as well.
Why dress well? Or in style? We know that what’s in style today will be out tomorrow and laughed at within 5 – 10 years. So why be trendy? To fit in? To look cool? To gain others approval? To be the (wo)man? It seems that a person is trying to nurture positive relationships with people whom they wish to interact and be friends with. Perhaps to raise their status in the eyes of others and to feel more confidence and happiness within themselves as a result. Or gain respect. Or attention.
Why do women dress so scandalously in this country? It appears they want a relationshp with other men whereby they are considered “sexy” (meaning, men want to have sex with you) and sought after. They want a relationship with men whereby they are on the receiving end of their attention. Or, at the very least, some particular man they might have in mind.
It’s interesting, because a lot of this revolves around forming a specific type of relationship that makes the person feel good, or correct, about themselves, but they are doing so by placing artificial enhancers around themselves which have nothing to do with who and what they truly are. People try to use these artificial means to raise their status of the eyes of others without nurturing real relationships. Instead, they seem to want to try to create “impressions” which hopefully leave a positive impact on the ones viewing them.
I’d like to turn back, however, to Dr. Covey’s funeral example because for us as Muslims, wondering what others think of us in this life as a means of setting our goals would not be a valid means of attaining our ultimate purpose. I would instead alter the example to ask, when Allah (SWT) is reading your record to you on the Day of Judgement, what does it say about you and your life? I would imagine something about worship, prayer, and so on and so forth is what you’d imagine.
It’s funny, because I’m sure all the items you would want to have on that list would relate to your relationship with Allah (SWT). And how do we come closer to Allah (SWT)? How do we nurture that relationship? How do we get to the point where He (SWT) loves us? Could we show Him (SWT) our new car and expect Him (SWT) to love us because of this? Could Bill Gates pull out his $50 billion and hope to impress Allah (SWT) with it?
Ironically, the best way to nurture our relationship and come closer to Allah (SWT) is to remember that we are servant/slaves, and He (SWT) is our Master. If we wish to get His (SWT) approval, we have to serve and obey. We must dedicate every moment of our lives to serving Him (SWT), doing what He (SWT) commands, and abstains from what He (SWT) has forbidden. In serving Him (SWT), in worshipping Him (SWT) as we were created to do, we build a strong relationship with our Creator and we move in the direction of becoming of the best of mankind. And, the more du’a we make to Him (SWT), the more khushoo we develop in our salaah, the more are reliance falls solely on Him (SWT), the better we become spiritually as a result. This in turn translates into greater inner peace.
And then it hit me like a bang, although the ideas have always been there from others, and they have been lauded by many for years – when we serve others, rather than serving our self-interests, we by default earn the love and respect of others. Think of all the people you can, who gave of themselves, in their blood, their sweat, their tears, who made sacrifices for causes they believed in. They don’t do what they do for material gain, and they don’t do what they do for the adulation of others. They do it for something greater which they believe in, a principle, if you will, and it propels them forward, and that drive, that service as servant to making greater things happen in humanity automatically brings respect, though it is not sought.
So imagine the fulfillment a person can have, by serving Allah (SWT) and seeking the pleasure of Allah (SWT), we take care of others, we serve others, we serve the community. We call to Islam to both Muslims and nonMuslims, and call them away from the Hellfire in the process, and to come closer with their Creator. Imagine how fulfilling it is, when stand up for justice and serve the needs of society as a result, and all this is solely for the sake of serving Allah (SWT)?
It is with these thoughts that I feel a greater sense of purpose in living a life of service to the cause of Allah (SWT), to calling to the Message which He (SWT) sent down with Muhammad (SAW). Over the years, as the material distractions and aspirations of everyday life were cast aside, and newer, better ones have filled in the gap, I feel that my life has more fulfillment as a result. I hope insha’Allah the time will come when our Muslim brothers and sisters wake up, and realize the time they waste on the wrong priorities and standing up for their brothers and sisters who are tortured, oppressed, raped, and butchered while they waste away their lives on American Idol, or the latest Hollywood blockbuster. I hope insha’Allah, that one day, our brothers and sisters will collectively realize the responsibility of the burden they carry when they hold La ilaaha illallaah in their hearts, and I hope one day that insha’Allah, they will realize the reality of the world in front of them and choose to serve the One who Best of all.
